In the right place at the right time

Beauties,

I’m too often second guessing myself, and almost always feeling some level of displacement. It’s this weird, schizophrenic thing that women, generally do.  At one moment, we question if  we’re doing enough. And then a split second later we’re wondering how we can do more. And then the next we’re asking ourselves if we’re even smart enough to be holding the reins. As a mom, the doubt is always there and it’s difficult to get past. Weekly, I’m like: Am I working too much and neglecting my kids? Am I not working enough to be competitive with others in my field? Am I splitting my time too thin to be successful at anything? Am I totally effing up?

I would bet that these questions roll through the minds of most women, cluttering up valuable head-space of the young and the old, the veteran and the neophyte.

We know self doubt is deadly. It’s been known to stop us in our tracks and kill all gumption – right before we’re able to make good on our big and wonderful dreams.

Men, on the flip side, rarely question themselves in this way. PapaBear would never ask himself if he should ‘stay home with the family and not work – all for the betterment of the family’. The words sound utterly ridiculous – when used in reference to men. PapaBear is known to hop on a plane to Ghana and be gone for several weeks – simply because the work has to get done, and the job requires it. Two days lead time, the flight is booked and he’s off. Now of course, he misses us, but he feels no guilt (key component). And the world doesn’t blink an eye, because we collectively believe that men can (and should) submerse themselves in the ‘world’  in order to be their best and most effective. Men believe they can do it all, and so, they fulfill their destinies.

Women are torn. We question: Can we do it all and be good at it?

Mama. 1979, Principal of The Patterson School

My call to action: Every woman in our crew needs to be hyper aware of the words we choose when we talk to each other. Pick words that encourage us to do it all – to be  mother and entrepreneur, nanny and personal chef, blogger and wife, employee and boss. World traveler and girlfriend. We need not ever talk with words that make us feel as if we’re missing out, incapable, or unaware. Those words are thrown at us like daggers on a daily basis, so let’s simply throw them out the window.

Instead, let’s speak with each other as though we understand how hard it is to do all that we do. Let’s support each other with words and actions that encourage us to think bigger.  Sarcasm, comparisons, judgements – let’s get rid of them.

Compliment instead. “You’re so focused on work, great job.” “Your an awesome mom!” “I love how adventurous you are.” “Your kids are going to benefit from all the great things you do.” “You’re so smartl! Go get whatever you want.” Words matter.

Let’s make each other believe in our multi-layered and complex lives, so that we’re confident of being in the right place at the right time, doing the right thing(s).

-Jodie

Delphine Diallo. Self Portrait.

Delphine Diallo

Occupation: Photographer, collagist, director.

Passion: Everything….Research, science, anthropology, psychology, religions, mythologies, traveling, photography, reading, life.

Daily Beauty Routine: I wake up and jump right into the shower – scrubbing my body with a luffa glove & Origins, Modern Friction. I clean my face with Brightening Foaming Cleanser by l’occitane. I use a body oil called Spring Flower by Aura Cacia plus a little touch of White Musk, perfume oil from the Body Shop.

My make-up is “quick”. First I always apply Miracle Skin Transformer, Vanish by Sarah McNamara. Then a Bobby Brown foundation plus a light retoucher from Yves St Laurent.  A quick touch of Bobby Brown Cheeks in Pale Pink for my cheeks AND lips. A little bit of bronzing powder by MAC is always essential. Next come the eyes, definitely the most important part of my make up routine. Purple shadow, a great mascara, and a black pen to draw a line underneath – creating the illusion that they’re bigger.  That’s it, voila!

Hair Routine: I simply brush – all the time – using Silk from Biotherapy.

What Does Beauty Mean To Me: Ha! After explaining all the work I do to feel good, it’s not honest if I just talk about ‘internal beauty’. Truth: Both the outside and the inside need to be combined and balanced. Sometimes, beauty is simply a feeling or an emotion and has nothing to do with the superficial. It’s beyond time and age. Beauty can be found everywhere, especially if we’re able to ‘pass’ beauty on to family and friends. Because truthfully, people make people beautiful.

Beauty Note: Love yourself and express yourself. Be confident and your life will be beautiful.

Don’t be afraid of pain

You’ve never met a winner who hasn’t felt real pain.

Body blows are not something most young girls, or women, are used to receiving. Under the normal circumstances, we are thought of as something to preserve. Nice, maintained, pretty, reserved and fragile are concious and subconcious descriptors of females. In 2013, we are still preparing our girls for the proverbial cotillion.

My boys on the other hand, are training themselves for the battlefield, so it seems. Self induced body slams, punches, and kicks all through each and every day are the norm with my boys.  It’s like they were born to wrestle and fight.  Throwing and knocking themselves into eachother and anything close by. They love physical combat and thrive off of it. Look at men, they get off on the agony of defeat and use the pain to fuel their next win. For them, life is the proverbial boxing ring, and winners expect a healthy dose of pain.

In my house, The Teen, our 13 year old girl, is treated like a flower by her brothers (most of the time) with limbs as delicate as petals, and hair that the boys actually sit and brush for hours (yes, that actually does happen). No one dare body slam the princess. It’s just not done (most of the time).

A few days ago, while hanging poolside at the Shore Club – with two of my dear male friends – we chatted-up on the beauty business, female identity & girl power. Gymnastics came up.  Years ago I was a state-level, competitive gymnast (and circus acrobat in the Big Apple Circus).  It was part of my normal daily routine to throw my body around apparatus and quite often bang and bruise limbs, hips even the occasional face.

It just hit me, I’m absolutely rebuking this idea of preserving the female body. Let’s get knocked up – in the other sense. Let girls take some blows – physical and otherwise, starting when young, so that we know just how strong we are and how strong we need to be.

Clearly, I’m not condoning physical abuse in any way.

As gymnasts, we tried new moves – death-defying tricks, just to see if we could “land” the impossible.  We failed over and over again, got up, failed some more, and eventually we did it. Double layouts and tsukaharas (watch how Gabby does it, here!) – these were achievable goals for us, but only after weeks and weeks of pain. We leaned in.

Through fearless behavior we were able to achieve great success. But if truth be told, we were actually afraid. Fear was a given, but not a barrier. It didn’t stop us. Nor did the idea that we might get hurt, stop us.

There’s something to be said for challanging the female body – despite the pain of obstacles, of learning curves or of mean people – we’ve got to lean in.

Truth: Girls are not to be preserved. We’re supposed to experience pain in life and go beyond to do great things. Just imagine where we’d be if we hadn’t pushed the existing ideas on femininity and gender.

“In the 19th century when women of all races began their drive for the vote, what was the argument most often used against then? That voting was a masculine concern, and that therefore women who attempted it would become (or already were) “mannish”, “unwomanly” and “unnatural”. In short, sexually suspect.” Ms. Magazine, 1980

-Jodie

Pretty is as Pretty does – Judia Black, Food + Wine Enthusiast

Judia Black

Occupation: Entrepreneur, Sommelier, Food & Wine Enthusiast, Lover of Life

Passion: I’m compassionate and I love connecting with others.  Seeing the best in people and then helping them reach their height potential – that’s what I’m really into.

Daily Beauty Routine: I meditate and exercise every day, that’s how I start my process. Plus, I include drinks and foods with a high water content. For skin cleansing I use Cetaphil, and sometimes Olay Regenerist for an additional exfoliation.  My skin tends to be uneven, so I use Cellex-C or Mad Hippie Vitamin C Serum to even out my tone and eliminate fine lines.  Lastly, Georgia Face Oil for moisturizing.

Hair Routine: I lightly moisturize everyday with an easily absorbed oil like Argan Oil or Shea Butter. I wash my hair every three days, deep condition with a hydrating mask at least once a week and a protein treatment once a month.

My Must-Haves: I’m always experimenting with new products, but try my best to use a low-sulfate shamppo. I love the Moroccan Oil moisturizing mask and leave-in products! Sarynakey African Shea Oil products with natural keratin are great too. AG Fast Food is a wonderful leave-in conditioner for when I don’t have time to do a deep conditioning mask.

What Beauty Means to Me: Beauty starts within – literally, you’re as beautiful as you feel!  Plus, I believe, it’s all about love, and the person who truly loves herself and humanity – radiates beauty.

Beauty Note: My grandmother used to say to me, Pretty is as Pretty does. Action resonates with me.

-Jodie

Blended, Mixed and Mashed-Up

Beauties,

Jada Pinket Smith is a smart woman. She’s so precise with her words that I was compelled to share some of them with you.  Plus, the subject matter hit home for me and sent me into deep thoughts about my very own blended family. Beautiful and quite complex – The Blended Family has become normal to so many. We are broken and whole. Joyous and sad. We struggle yet we are the most mighty. Under the illest of circumstances, a beautiful thing arises.

A letter to a friend:

Blended families are NEVER easy, but here’s why I don’t have a lot of sympathy for your situation because… we CHOOSE them. When I married Will, I knew Trey was part of the package…Period! If I didn’t want that…I needed to marry someone else. Then I learned if I am going to love Trey…I had to learn to love the most important person in the world to him…his mother. And the two of us may not have always LIKED each other… but we have learned to LOVE each other.

I can’t support any actions that keep a man from his children of a previous marriage. These are the situations that separate the women from the girls. Your behavior is that of an insecure child who needs to recognize her own weaknesses that MUST be strengthened to take on the task at hand. We can’t say we love our man and then come in between him and his children. THAT’S selfishness…NOT love. WOMAN UP… I’ve been there…I know. My blended family made me a giant… Taught me so much about love, commitment and it has been the biggest ego death to date. It’s time you let your blended family make you the giant you truly are.
J

-Jodie

When Control No Longer Works

Beauties,

I’m never comfortable releasing control – just ask my Teen, my PapaBear, or even my mother. To release and to let go is not in my DNA. I prefer to hold on tight and stay involved. I like the feeling of being tied to something – even entangled. Bizzar but true. There’s something romantic about it.  And yes, I’ve become a very loyal friend because of this, with close compatriots from as far back as the sixth grade.

On the flip side, keeping control doesn’t always pan out well for me. Just ask my holistic doctor, my therapist or my business associates. For me, staying in ‘control’ has kept my my business small (and body toxic).  For Control Freaks like myself, it’s difficult to delegate and therefore to scale our businesses. I’ve tried to do everything on my own, but of course that’s simply not possible.  One can’t be Creative Director, Operations Manager, CFO, CEO, Publicist, Marketing Director, Brand Strategist, and Sales Rep all at once.

The One-Woman-Show simply does not work outside of a burlesque environment.

The truth is, we entrepreneurs have to release control so that things can grow, energy can flow and EVERYTHING moves forward.

Over the past few months, I’ve been working on expanding my team. I now have Sales Reps (Check this one) (and this one too!) who sell our line, and an intuitive Gap Closer who takes my brilliant ideas and completes them, a trusted CFO who keeps us up and running, a divine Creative Muse, a brilliant Execution Team of smarties who are all very capable of running their own businesses and probably will one day, and not to be forgotten a Wellness Expert who clears my body and mind of debris – so that I can keep us all moving forward.

I’m committed to winning – in business, health and happiness. And to win, I needed to release.

Flow.

- Jodie

*Joseph Ghartey – CFO

* Johnica Reed – Gap Closer

*Janice Bond – Sales & Culture Guru (South & Midwest)

*Rakia Reynolds – Sales, Marketing & PR Maven (North East)

*Talmie Shimadai – Digestive Health Expert – 718 676-1500

Fran+Norah+Ali – My H/S posse – dancing the night away at AREA

High School Beauty:

HAIR: Super wide curling iron, daily. Flipped bang. Lemon to highlight the tips (ouch).

MAKE-UP: Black eyeliner on the outside and inside of my eyes. Face Powder.

SKIN: DYI Plain-Yoguart facials, weekly.

ATTITUDE: Everything is possible.

Remember the sun

Beauties,

This winter has been cold and full of hard work. When the weather ices up, all six of us tend to hibernate, gather together and slow – it – down.  Staying indoors, where it’s cozy and full of our favorite possessions, helps us get through the dark months, which for me can lack charm.  So, we huddle and wait patiently for spring.

I’ve learned to sift through old photos, read, read, read and reminiscence. I conjor up memories of warmth and sunshine – water and travel – and then,  I wait patiently.

Here’s a good one: WATER MEMORIES

Jump In!

Reflect.

There were years when I didn’t go in the water. Not the salt pool, nor the fresh water pond. Even the sunny Delaware River down the road couldn’t tempt me. And if you ask me now ‘why’, I’d have to say, ‘I was simply too tired’.

It was a combination of a new relationship, thirty-six months of pregnancy, 2.5 years of nursing and an intense loss of self. Yes, some of life’s most beautiful gifts like love and family can cause a momentary and very deep identity crisis. Just ask any mother/wife/daughter.

For years, my body was exhausted and everything felt like a chore. So most of the time, when not frantic at work, I was sitting still, somewhere to the side, while the world enjoyed the spoils of life.

We have this gorgeous pond nestled in the hills of Pennsylvania. It’s just about perfect. Oval in shape. Framed with lavender bushes and slate rocks all around. Water the color of the evergreens. Crisp, so clear you can see your toes while you wade. And then, these little pools of warm water that surprise you when you swim through them. Warm and soft – the way pond water can be. It’s a love pond – one of the greatest gifts my husband has ever given to me.

But for years, I wouldn’t go in.

In the spring and summer times, we basically run a camp from our house. Oftentimes ten children at a time, even more live in our pond. All my kids learn to swim in that water. We throw life jackets on in the morning, and send them out to explore for the rest of the day. First they sit on the raft, trepidatious, with only toes touching the water. Then, by July, a very splashy Doggie Paddle seems appropriate. And sooner than you’d expect, they’re jumping off the raft – lanky legs flailing and big toothy grins flashing. I have years of water memories through the eyes of my kids.

‘Swimming in the pond’ is a loose term. For us it’s come to mean all things adventurous and daring, whimsical and silly, serene and holly. The Pond is a world unto itself. A world you can enter when ready and stay as long as the sun is up.

It wasn’t until my body was given back to me, that I was ready.

These days, with no kids hanging on, I sit on the big rocks while the sun is high above and wait – but not for too long.  Just until I’m good and warm and the kids can’t wait another moment. I start to stand up. “Oh Mama, are you coming in? You’ve GOT to. You’re gonna LOVE it! We’re comin’ to get you!”

The Captain

And then, when the raft and its captains are near, I leap on like a fairy. But only for a second. I’m in motion and can’t be stopped. Eager faces waiting to see what I’ll do next…I leap right off and jump into our pond – arms stretched high above my head. Water splashes everywhere and faces filled with joy applaud me. Like they can’t believe I’ve done it. Mama’s IN the water.

Then everything goes quiet and my body is cool. I’m under water and surrounded by all that is adventurous and daring, whimsical and silly, serene and holly. I’ve returned. All those years that I was tired, I’d forgotten how water can help to find yourself. My pond is my pathway.

-Jodie

Dry scalp, weak hair – NOT my problem

One of my dirty-little secrets is my dry scalp. Sounds silly and trite, but I’m not joking. Quite frequently, I’m all dolled up and ready to go get ‘em, and then, my freakin’ scap interrupts my flow. It’s not dandruff. It’s not about frequent washings. It’s an internal thing.

My Krill Oil supplements are a god-send. They help with a myriad of things from scalp, skin and overall hydration, to heart health. But you have to be religious about taking Krill Oil, and if not, there in lies the problem. I naturally tend to have a dry scalp and cuticles, plus I ran out about two weeks ago, plus I’m having the hardest time getting to the darn store to re-up.

I recently tried something new! The most divine, 3-step hair treatment made by the most divine woman, Funlayo. Here’s what I used:

1/ SheaRadiance Shampoo (no SLS)

2/ SheaRadiance Moisturizing Hair Milk

3/ SheaRadiance Nourishing Hair Repair Cream

All three products are natural based, and high performing – with immediate results.

*Wash two times with the shampoo

*Quick rinse with very warm water

*Quick rinse with cold water

*Spritzed my entire head with Hair Milk, saturating the strands

*Spread a full dime size of the Repair Cream evenly throughout my hair – from root to ends. (I could have even used less)

After my usual roller set, my hair and scalp were amazing. My naturally thin hair felt healthy and strong, shinny, soft and best of all – no dry scalp! My style held it’s shape all night long, and that’s big news for me. Everything about these three products works!

I think I’ve met my new best friend.

-Jodie

I thought I knew it all – and then came Penelope

Beauties,

If things in life made sense at first glance, life would be dull. We have to go deep to find meaning.

Meet Penelope. My third child. The self proclaimed Superhero. Penelope defies most stereotypes and challenges anyone she meets to re-think ideas of gender, ability, and most of all happiness.

Penelope in the middle

I think it’s in her nature to be different. Dresses and skirts…not a chance. Button fronts and ties are more her style. Think Shilo x 100. In karate class she’s a shinning star with a mean, stiff-torso push up. On day one, teacher called out, “Little Dude, come to the front of the class and show these pansies what a real push up looks like!” Wrestling, check. Skateboarding, check. Soccer, check. I work overtime to understand her head space. And it’s not easy, because at the same time, Penelope is my most gentle artist with a secret passion for all the pretty jewels on my bedside table. Perhaps not for herself to wear, but more to marvel over and to touch. Go figure.

Penelope the soccer star

These are just small examples of a very complex person. I have yet to find a single definition that works for her. The more I observe, it’s clear that I’m learning from Penelope. Learning about drive, determination and accomplishing what others might not have even imagined for you.  Mostly I’m learning about the layers of interests that can contrast each other but exist with in one person. In order to be complete, we have to touch each of our layers. Scary but true.

Penelope is our Superhero

I support Penelope’s complexities. Regardless of the comments we hear: “She’s so pretty, just put a dress on her.” “Don’t encourage her to take it too far. She’s a tomboy and can grow out of it.” “Cutting her hair so short is extreme. Why would you do that to her?”

My New Year’s resolution is a promise to my children. From here forward I will not waste a single moment trying to redirect my kids from their natural selves. I’ll champion for them. I’m here simply to move the world out of their way so that they can think – uninhibited – about themselves at first, and then about the world surrounding them.

Everything that is worth something, begins inside the individual.  Finding pride and joy in our quirks is the key to life. Different is so normal these days.

Penelope top right

2013 is about trusting ourselves and listening to our voices. Recognizing that form follows feeling and we are who we feel ourselves to be. Period. Start from there and the world is yours.

For 2013 – remove just one filter from your vision – and life will be different.

Penelope – Don’t waste one nanosecond trying to package her.

-Jodie